Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Amy Joy

If you know me, you know that I L.O.V.E. my daughter Amy.

I mean rrrreeeaaalllllyyyyy LOVE her.

Now, just so we are all on the same page, of COURSE I have a whole special kind of love for God that cannot be replaced by anyone. Not even Amy. And of COURSE I have yet another kind of love that I hold for my husband that no one can step in the middle of. And even though they are not here yet, I have another heart all reserved for my Haitian Princesses (insert prayer of immediate homecoming here).

So anyway, I am a mother. A mothers heart can do remarkable things. Indescribable things. Things that allow them to give alllllll of their heart to God, allllll of their heart to their spouse, and alllll of their heart to each. and. every. child. I can't explain it, but I know I don't need to. You understand.

Ok. So we're all on the same page that I can say things like I-love-my-daughter-with-all-my-heart without anyone fainting and whispering "(GASP!) Doesn't she love GOD? Doesn't she love her HUSBAND? What about her other girls!?"

Ok. Back to Amy. The only child I have had for 6 1/2 years. The child I love with all my heart.

I'm not going to get in to all of the things she has taught me about being a mother and what it means to love someone or that I now have a better appreciation for God's love for me.

For that is a blog for another day.

Her independence is really what I want to chat about. We are a homeschooling family and sometimes children who don't go to school can learn or gain or find or discover or whatever their independence a little later than children who leave the house without their parents every day.

This is NOT a comparison of Homeschool vs. Outside-schooled kids. Other than the fact I may make observations between my daughter and several kids of both kinds of schooling.

I think I am following my friend SV in the fact I am over-explaining myself. (love you, SV!)

Ok. Is anyone still reading? If you are, here we go!

My daughter seems to have an independence beyond her experience. And I don't mean that she wants to be away from me. I mean, she seems to be more mature than her handful plus one years of life would normally grant someone. She tends to be the leader in a group. Or the instigator for games and make-believe. That isn't usual for kids who don't go to school. Or have siblings! She's a great share-er and she knows how to relate to boys and girls, as well as kids older and younger than herself. It's a pleasant and at the same time slightly surprising character trait of hers. I mean, she doesn't get to practice those things at school or with her older/younger brother/sister. How does she do it? Where does that come from?

Oh freek. Now I'm worried that this post might sound like I'm bragging on my daughter. Well, please know my heart. I'm trying to pour out my soul about my love and discovery of my child. I don't have a prideful message and I'm not sinfully bragging.
(Here be the dangers of on-line journaling, I guess, right!?)

What I'm trying to say is, I am thoroughly enjoying and slightly mystified at the 'beyond her years' way about her. She sometimes seems to have a confidence I long for. A fearless way about her that denotes strength and security that I didn't know she was gaining. Learning. Finding.

She still needs me, she's only 6, for heaven's sake. But I ache for the looming day, only 12 years away, when she will leave me for the independent world. College. Boyfriend. Travel.

I am good at savoring every moment as I know "it all goes by so fast". But I still have an agony for the day she will be set off on to her own path. I have a hope that her paths' desire will align with God's plan for her life, yet a simultaneous twinge of despair that she will leave the dependency of her mother and take all that she knows -and has learned- and apply them to the big, bad? world outside this home.

Her independence now just seems to illuminate that inevitable, barely more than a decade away, mixed emotion day that she will, in fact, leave me.

But that's the goal, right? To train up a child in the way she should go...then let her go!

I feel secure, by the Grace of God alone, that we are doing what we're supposed to be doing to set Amy up to follow the right path when she's older. Of course there are things I wish I had done differently when she was younger, and I know I'll mother her incorrectly in the future. But maybe because I currently see her :

in love with Jesus
very well rounded
happier than anyone I know
and Joyful

that I get a glimpse of who she is going to be -- all--too--soon that I think upon such AbFab things as her inedpendence at only 6 years old.

I love you, Amy, with all my heart.


christa jean said...

I don't think you're being braggish at all! You are making observations as a mother (doting, no doubt! ;) and sharing them outloud.

In my humble opinion, because you have chosen to homeschool, these great qualities of hers are even more evident to you. AND, her heart has only drawn closer to yours, making her independence come out as confidence and joyfulness, which is way better than the alternative independence... a breaking and pulling away of her heart.
Does that even make sense?!
oh well

You have been given such a gift in Amy. She is going to be such a HUGE help when the girls come. God knew what you needed all along!

Blessed Mama of 4 said...

What a wonderful discovery we get to experience, being parents... that in the body and experience of a simple six year old is something that is anything but simple, it is fearfully and wonderfully knit together. How is it that no one told us before just how incredible our children could be at the simple age of six??!?...

I'm in denial, I don't want to think about the time to release these beauties to the world and themselves.

Amy is, by far, one of my most favoritest (yup, made that word up) kids, so don't worry - you aren't the only one who sees... She is so cool!

Emily said...

You have such a wonderful way with words. I can tell just by reading this - you are very much in love with God, your husband and with your daughters. It is absolutely amazing how God provides us these little gifts called children isn't it? I have my two gorgeous baby girls and I can't even imagine life without them - even when they are acting like little **turds**!

We missed you at Bible Study tonight - I hope all is well! We will continue to pray for your new arrivals to come soon!!! I know I can't wait to meet them - I'm sure you are a LITTLE more excited! :)

Alicia said...

I don't know you at all but have enjoyed reading your blog.
I think it's wonderful to delight in your daughter. Our pastor went through the book of Titus a few months ago and when he talked about the verse that says that women are to love thier husbands and their children it was from a meaning that we should "delight" in them.
You are only doing what you are supposed to do and it is obvious that you have joy because of it...so keep delighting... we all need to be reminded to delight in our children.