I mean rrrreeeaaalllllyyyyy LOVE her.
Now, just so we are all on the same page, of COURSE I have a whole special kind of love for God that cannot be replaced by anyone. Not even Amy. And of COURSE I have yet another kind of love that I hold for my husband that no one can step in the middle of. And even though they are not here yet, I have another heart all reserved for my Haitian Princesses (insert prayer of immediate homecoming here).
So anyway, I am a mother. A mothers heart can do remarkable things. Indescribable things. Things that allow them to give alllllll of their heart to God, allllll of their heart to their spouse, and alllll of their heart to each. and. every. child. I can't explain it, but I know I don't need to. You understand.
Ok. So we're all on the same page that I can say things like I-love-my-daughter-with-all-my-heart without anyone fainting and whispering "(GASP!) Doesn't she love GOD? Doesn't she love her HUSBAND? What about her other girls!?"
Ok. Back to Amy. The only child I have had for 6 1/2 years. The child I love with all my heart.
I'm not going to get in to all of the things she has taught me about being a mother and what it means to love someone or that I now have a better appreciation for God's love for me.
For that is a blog for another day.
Her independence is really what I want to chat about. We are a homeschooling family and sometimes children who don't go to school can learn or gain or find or discover or whatever their independence a little later than children who leave the house without their parents every day.
This is NOT a comparison of Homeschool vs. Outside-schooled kids. Other than the fact I may make observations between my daughter and several kids of both kinds of schooling.
I think I am following my friend SV in the fact I am over-explaining myself. (love you, SV!)
Ok. Is anyone still reading? If you are, here we go!
My daughter seems to have an independence beyond her experience. And I don't mean that she wants to be away from me. I mean, she seems to be more mature than her handful plus one years of life would normally grant someone. She tends to be the leader in a group. Or the instigator for games and make-believe. That isn't usual for kids who don't go to school. Or have siblings! She's a great share-er and she knows how to relate to boys and girls, as well as kids older and younger than herself. It's a pleasant and at the same time slightly surprising character trait of hers. I mean, she doesn't get to practice those things at school or with her older/younger brother/sister. How does she do it? Where does that come from?
Oh freek. Now I'm worried that this post might sound like I'm bragging on my daughter. Well, please know my heart. I'm trying to pour out my soul about my love and discovery of my child. I don't have a prideful message and I'm not sinfully bragging.
(Here be the dangers of on-line journaling, I guess, right!?)
What I'm trying to say is, I am thoroughly enjoying and slightly mystified at the 'beyond her years' way about her. She sometimes seems to have a confidence I long for. A fearless way about her that denotes strength and security that I didn't know she was gaining. Learning. Finding.
She still needs me, she's only 6, for heaven's sake. But I ache for the looming day, only 12 years away, when she will leave me for the independent world. College. Boyfriend. Travel.
I am good at savoring every moment as I know "it all goes by so fast". But I still have an agony for the day she will be set off on to her own path. I have a hope that her paths' desire will align with God's plan for her life, yet a simultaneous twinge of despair that she will leave the dependency of her mother and take all that she knows -and has learned- and apply them to the big, bad? world outside this home.
Her independence now just seems to illuminate that inevitable, barely more than a decade away, mixed emotion day that she will, in fact, leave me.
But that's the goal, right? To train up a child in the way she should go...then let her go!
I feel secure, by the Grace of God alone, that we are doing what we're supposed to be doing to set Amy up to follow the right path when she's older. Of course there are things I wish I had done differently when she was younger, and I know I'll mother her incorrectly in the future. But maybe because I currently see her :
in love with Jesus
very well rounded
happier than anyone I know
that I get a glimpse of who she is going to be -- all--too--soon that I think upon such AbFab things as her inedpendence at only 6 years old.
I love you, Amy, with all my heart.